Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Pants are for mortals
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
