I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize