We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize