32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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