My liver just broke up with me...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
