guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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