i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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