and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
