The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
