You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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