Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
