shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
