In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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