we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's shark week go big or go home
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize