I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
