Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
