wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
