im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize