This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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