um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize