They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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