She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
