plz talk dirty to me
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize