I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
