You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
