i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
