just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
