So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
