We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
