i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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