We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
