i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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