she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
