he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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