I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
