I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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