so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
