I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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