i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
