I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Randomize
