you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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