I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
