i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
