bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
