I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
