i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
