Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
