She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize