he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
