And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
