So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
