Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
