I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
