I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
