I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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