on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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