I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
