Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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