is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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