Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I cockslap morals
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Panties = found
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
