K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
